Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
