Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
