I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
