I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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