I wanna passion pit in your ass
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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