Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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