just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It's blow job season.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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