she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
