Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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