They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
