I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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