She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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