omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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