we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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