It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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