Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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