She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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