Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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