5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
