I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
