mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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