its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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