so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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