I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
