all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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