Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
