rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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