Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
