oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
