so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
