What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
