I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
