Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
