I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
