Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
