Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
my liver is dry heaving
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
