apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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