i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
