you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
