i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
