Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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