I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
