She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
