When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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