just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
