just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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