I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
