Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
