Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
