Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
