uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
