I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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