he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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